Let's Fall into Winter and Soldier On

When I started this journey I thought I would just do a craft fair here and there to thin out the volumes of artwork piling up. That was my plan....God's plan was so, so different. I don't know where this road will take me, and the ride keeps throwing me in the air, but I've gotten farther in the last few months than in the last decade of dreaming.

I've always been creative and maybe even a little bit artsy. I surrounded myself with creative, artistic people who, I convinced myself, were heads and shoulders more talented than I ever would be. So, I left the creativity and arts in their capable hands and forgot all about it. Every now and then, however, the art inside me just couldn't stay hidden and something would escape. Sometimes I would look at what I had done and wondered who did it because it couldn't possibly have been me. Still, the self criticism haunted me and everything I made stayed hidden or shared with a select few. 

About five or six years ago life started to get heavier than I was used to. I was in a toxic marriage with an alcoholic, whom I loved, and the burdens of keeping us housed and fed became exclusively my own. His alcoholism made him physically, chronically ill. He required dialysis and everything else that comes with the caregiving of a disabled, ill spouse. All while continue to deal with the fallout from bad decisions made because continued to drink. I thought I was going to break into a million pieces. The stresses of life became so heavy and I had no outlet. No moments of peace.

It was around this time that I attended a Paint and Sip. It wasn't my first one, but it was at this one where I realized the tranquility associated with creating. I went out and bought paints, brushes, canvases; all the supplies I needed. This is when I realized that ART IS THERAPY. And Thank God because if I had to pay a therapist for every painting I created I would give up several years salary! When I had painted my largest, most detailed piece up until that time, I gave it to my father who asked, "Did you know you could do that?" Well, you don't lie to your Dad, right? The answer was NO! But I could do it. That's what a gift is. Something you can do without knowing how!

Around this time I started picking up some design work. Graphic Design was a hobby of sorts. I have created numerous projects from my various employers and just considered it part of my job. But when someone offered to pay me to design something for them, I started to see that digital art IS art and I could do that too! I started to resurrect an old dream of starting a business, working for myself. How could I possibly make this work? 

The last 2 years have been....well, that's for another blog, just know they were the most difficult of my life. And through it all, I had my art. It held me together, kept me strong. So with a lot of prayer, trust and a discerning Spirit I broke free from that toxic marriage. The love will never leave me, but the assault on my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health is gone forever. I have welcomed peace into my life. That doesn't mean that everything in my life got easier. To the contrary, some things got harder, like my finances. So, if not now, when?

Starting any business is hard work and slow going, and LAHall Artworks is no different. It's been slow. I have a full time job that pays the bills until I can make this a sustainable venture and I am all alone doing everything by myself. Things don't happen as fast as I want them to; as fast as I planned. Then I remind myself, it's not what I want or what I plan. It's in God's hands. He's steering and I'm just along for the ride! And what a ride it is!!!

If there is one lesson that I keep forgetting I learned it's Perseverance. If I forgot I learned it, I guess I am learning it all over again. I will persevere because I was given a gift. This is the kind of gift that was meant to be shared so I'm going to keep at it. Because this gift, this business is my ticket to freedom. My ticket to TRUE Independence. This is how I get my life back on track and I will not stop until it succeeds. Because I don't want to just have a dream come true with a magic wand. I want to WORK my dream. Because the work IS the dream!